So what have the last 6 weeks looked like? Honestly, nothing like I expected. It never occurred to me that we would have the challenges we have had and have no issues with the things we prepared for. First, S is no longer a horrible being, and that has helped. We unfortunately and fortunately had to fix that in a "rip the band aid off" kind of way. I went back to work, so they just had to figure it out, and they did pretty quickly. HM, as he regularly responds to now, has a very different personality than the other C kids. His affect is different. He is not quite ready to let loose and laugh at silly daddy. Daddy around here tends to handle most things with a good sense of humor, so HM might just think S is a little insane still.
There are so many things recommended for attachment that are somewhat challenging when you have 3 other kids, young ones, at home. Discipline is one of them. There are some rules, policies, ways of existing in the C household that are non-negotiable. No hitting is one of them. That includes hitting, siblings, parents, pets and glass things, like the fireplace glass. We wanted to give him some "passes" but couldn't on things that could hurt him or others. I think having to enforce some of that has been harder on all of us than we thought. We aren't sure he understands, we feel frustrated b/c he repeats the behavior and he feels frustrated because he cannot communicate.
Communication has been hard. One thing we realized quickly is that communication seems to be one way you can see his grief. He has said almost nothing, Korean or English, after the reports indicated he said 20 Korean words. I would be lying if I said I wasn't somewhat worried. Had we caused so much trauma that he would become non-verbal? In fact, that and the numerous meltdowns are about all the signs of grief we do see. He has recently started waking up (not really awake) crying out at night, but that is only a couple day now.
This is certainly a new experience in that we were pretty seasoned parents before he came home, at least at this age group. And now, I constantly question if I have any clue what I am doing. Are we equipped to give him the space he needs to grieve and grow with our family? Are we doing more damage than good to this sweet boy who never asked for all of this upheaval.
And then this week arrived. Smiles and even some laughs. And evaluation by an expert to reaffirm what we were thinking. We will get there, it just will take time. I am not patient. The wait to bring him home was agonizing and we are still in a sort of waiting period. growing period.
In other news, my office had a "Welcome" shower for HM and I was truly, utterly surprised (which is hard to pull off, as I am quite nosy!) I am so touched, they certainly didn't have to do that and it was such a sweet gesture that really meant so much. We got a whole fall/winter wardrobe THANK YOU and some gift cards THANK YOU THANK YOU and some sippy cups, EXTRA THANK YOU!!! Something interesting about sippy cups and other such things. HM has very few worldly possessions that truly just his. I have enjoyed giving him some of those things. His own sippy cups, with very much boy themed pictures. His own clothes, not hand me downs. His own ride on tools just for him. It might seem like much to us, but I think it is pretty important for him to have his own things. That is something we are trying to explain to the other kids. We are pro-sharing, but at the same time, some things are off limits, sacred lovies. HM doesn't have much established as those items yet, so we try to make most of his things all that way for now. Not every single thing, but lots.
So thank you, sweet dysfunctional work family that no one else wants! I am grateful to be part of this group and appreciate how quickly you have brought me in!
Now enough yakking....pictures....
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