6 weeks as a family of 6

Whew!  6 weeks ago S and I were in Korea, rocking the world of one sweet, adorable, energetic world.  And boy he has returned the favor.  There have been times recently where I have felt like I am being drawn and quartered.  4 kids are so much fun and well, a lot of work too.  It is hard sometimes to say that because I expect to hear the comments:  "well, what did you expect?" and "you chose this."  I know these things.  And I know that it will all settle in. 
So what have the last 6 weeks looked like?  Honestly, nothing like I expected.  It never occurred to me that we would have the challenges we have had and have no issues with the things we prepared for.  First, S is no longer a horrible being, and that has helped.  We unfortunately and fortunately had to fix that in a "rip the band aid off" kind of way.  I went back to work, so they just had to figure it out, and they did pretty quickly.  HM, as he regularly responds to now, has a very different personality than the other C kids.  His affect is different.  He is not quite ready to let loose and laugh at silly daddy.  Daddy around here tends to handle most things with a good sense of humor, so HM might just think S is a little insane still.
There are so many things recommended for attachment that are somewhat challenging when you have 3 other kids, young ones, at home.  Discipline is one of them.  There are some rules, policies, ways of existing in the C household that are non-negotiable.  No hitting is one of them.  That includes hitting, siblings, parents, pets and glass things, like the fireplace glass.  We wanted to give him some "passes" but couldn't on things that could hurt him or others.  I think having to enforce some of that has been harder on all of us than we thought.  We aren't sure he understands, we feel frustrated b/c he repeats the behavior and he feels frustrated because he cannot communicate. 
Communication has been hard.  One thing we realized quickly is that communication seems to be one way you can see his grief.  He has said almost nothing, Korean or English, after the reports indicated he said 20 Korean words.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't somewhat worried.  Had we caused so much trauma that he would become non-verbal?  In fact, that and the numerous meltdowns are about all the signs of grief we do see.  He has recently started waking up (not really awake) crying out at night, but that is only a couple day now.
This is certainly a new experience in that we were pretty seasoned parents before he came home, at least at this age group.  And now, I constantly question if I have any clue what I am doing.  Are we equipped to give him the space he needs to grieve and grow with our family?  Are we doing more damage than good to this sweet boy who never asked for all of this upheaval. 
And then this week arrived.  Smiles and even some laughs.  And evaluation by an expert to reaffirm what we were thinking.  We will get there, it just will take time. I am not patient.  The wait to bring him home was agonizing and we are still in a sort of waiting period.  growing period. 

In other news, my office had a "Welcome" shower for HM and I was truly, utterly surprised (which is hard to pull off, as I am quite nosy!)  I am so touched, they certainly didn't have to do that and it was such a sweet gesture that really meant so much.  We got a whole fall/winter wardrobe THANK YOU and some gift cards THANK YOU THANK YOU and some sippy cups, EXTRA THANK YOU!!!  Something interesting about sippy cups and other such things.  HM has very few worldly possessions that truly just his.  I have enjoyed giving him some of those things.  His own sippy cups, with very much boy themed pictures.  His own clothes, not hand me downs.  His own ride on tools just for him.  It might seem like much to us, but I think it is pretty important for him to have his own things.  That is something we are trying to explain to the other kids.  We are pro-sharing, but at the same time, some things are off limits, sacred lovies.  HM doesn't have much established as those items yet, so we try to make most of his things all that way for now.  Not every single thing, but lots.

 So thank you, sweet dysfunctional work family that no one else wants!  I am grateful to be part of this group and appreciate how quickly you have brought me in!

Now enough yakking....pictures....

Loss & peace

There is lots I can say about HM's progress and such, but today my mind is elsewhere.

Today, my uncle passed away.  I struggle for the right words, because his battle was brief and lengthy.  What is important for me to say here is that my uncle was a quiet man, who said little and stayed in the background, but for me he was a hero.  I made a big mistake by not telling him that while I had the chance, I don't even know why.  I even said a couple times recently that I should write him. Thank him. And I didn't, and now it is too late.  So because I was hesitant to just say it to him. I will say it here for anyone to read and know.

Uncle D,
Thank you for who you were.  I know many people didn't see the man I did, so I just want to share.  When I was a young girl, I would go stay with him and his family.  He wasn't perfect, but he would talk to me and we would have amazing conversations.  He taught me to play Yatzhee, and how to make the dice roll just they I wanted them to.  It worked, I don't know how, but still to this day I remember his tip. (no I won't share.). He helped me see that there are many layers to a person. My uncle had his struggles and many people only saw that part of him.  But they were missing out.  Fast forward a couple years and I was 13 and struggling with stuff going on in my life.  It was Christmas time, things were hectic and I was sad, probably depressed.  I had been hurt by someone I loved and uncle D saw me, he knew.  He came to me, away from all the chaos of our family filled house and hugged me and he said the most important thing he could have.  He said that loved one..."they love you, they have made a mistake, but they love you & everything will be ok.". Thank you, thank you uncle D, because I hung on your words and believed you because of all the long conversations we had had in the summers before. And he was right, it was ok.  I never told anyone about that conversation and I never thanked him.  Looking back, he was telling me to look beyond mistakes, love unconditionally sometimes.  A great lesson, I cherish today.

He wasn't perfect, he had struggles, he made mistakes.  But he had a heart of gold and I regret not telling him how grateful I was, I am.

All I can be left with is the hope that he felt peace, that he is no longer in pain.  A small consolation.  You can judge people by the mistakes they make, but for the effort they give.

RIP Uncle Don and thank you.

Getting there

Back to being a bad blogger.  I realize not many people read this but I still want to keep it up.  Things are hectic and wonderful all at the same time.  I was only able to be off work for a couple weeks, so S  was on his own with 4 cuties!!!  Fun times.  Oh yeah and the newest cutie was still. It so sure S was worthy of his attention.  But they are getting there.  Sleep...getting theree.  He is in a pack n play and no longer in our room.  As far as other cute C children sleeping...not.so.much.  But we are getting there.  HM is learning to live kindly aside the furry members of household, he is signing and showing a little more patience in expressing his needs and demands.
It is certainly different with an almost 2 year old.  When someone else needs a little extra attention, you can't just lay him in a bouncy seat or bassinet.  Nope, oh and he is possessive.  Definitely not interested in sharing mommy and even daddy with those other kids.  But tonight I picked up buggy and HM had no negative reaction, he just smiled at me.  Getting there.
He an say up, the first attempt at mimicking sounds we are making.  Because of the language he is certainly behind a bit, he doesn't know animal sounds or colors or even animal names yet.  He is bright though & I imagine he will catch up quickly.  Monday he will be 2, and we will see the doctor for the 1st time (good news, no shots).
It is funny that he is turning 2 and still feels so new. I know when each of my others hit that birthday I remember feeling like time had gone too fast.  And in way it has for him too, we have missed a lot in 2 years, but in only 4 weeks we have experienced so many firsts and he is changing so quickly it seems like he has been here for much longer.  We will cherish all the new "first" and every birthday to come.  I bet next year I will saying it has flown by.


In other C news, 1 week from today, T heads to 2nd grade!!!  Talk about time flying!  And P to Kindergarten!  I can hardly write that without feeling the tears.  T has always been a social, independent butterfly, but P...he was my 1st "momma's baby."  hmmm, what to say, his milestones have always  given me pause maybe because he was my littlest peanut.  But this summer somehow it happened...he grew up.  No more chubby legs, or baby hands, no more tiny baby voice.  No more needing to climb in my lap. Nope.  Lots of. Superhero being, 2 wheel bike riding, sleepovers with his best buddy.  He has seriously taken the role of big brother to a brother VERY seriously.  Now he is big boy, off to school, to conquer the world & beat the villains.  But.....he will always be my baby.

HOME!

So, Friday was looonnnnggg, and I really felt like because of the time difference it was actually 2 days. M did pretty well considering on the 2 flights we had. He stayed in the carrier for the majority and slept a good bit. When we got to Dulles, we moved quickly to get our luggage and get on the road. Another 2 hours to home. A storm also arrived about the time we did, so we had the luxury of driving home in pouring rain!! We didn't get home until around 10pm. We made a quick food stop, shared a french fry with M and switched driver's, as S was very sleepy. When we pulled onto our street I could see the twinkle of something reflective on the garage door. It was just in time for me to put the door back down. And...there they were, all my babies in ONE place! T,P & D were all on the front porch with glow sticks and signs eagerly awaiting our arrival. It was so late, but we were SO happy to see them. M immediately light up and smiled when he saw them, and well they were in love. It was such a shame that it wasn't very bright out there so not pictures. It was priceless! The kids really barely acknowledged S & I, just wanted to see their brother!

So there we are, home! Things have gone pretty well over all. Sleep is happening and for that I am extremely thankful. Kids are still loving him after almost 2 weeks home, so that is a huge plus! We have had our first post placement and his green card arrived. So all in all, it has been a crazy couple weeks, but we are moving in the right direction. And because really, people are more interested in pictures than my babbling, here are more pics of the cuties...

Ice Cream!

1st baseball game...unamused...