Naughty or Nice

It is that time of year, which list are you on???  Around our house, there are some of us that have not yet concreted a spot of the Nice list.  T & P are of course highly motivated to remain in the good graces, as they can fully understand the expectation...be good= get presents.  The little ones. Not.So.Much.  HM definitely doesn't get it and I know Santa has no expectation that he be good all the time.  As far as D goes, she is the wild card.  I thinks she is old enough, and certainly smart enough, to understand that Santa wants you to be good and nice, especially to your mom and dad!!!  Let's be honest, she's calling his bluff, and showing her stubbornness skills.  I keep warning her that Santa is watching, but it hasn't yet stopped her from an occasional frequent meltdown, complete with feet stomping and yelling.  Oh Santa, how you have met your match this year.  What will you do???  Hold out...no gifts, or cave?  That is the exciting question that will be answered Christmas morning.

 

Before we delve into where Mommy & Daddy are on the naughty/nice list, let's talk about other things that have been going on.
First, we have had illness....lots of it.  From right before Thanksgiving until well today, as I sit home with a feverish 2 year old, we have definitely had our share of cold weather yucks!
 One of my greatest friends, T, got engaged, and I am so excited for her.  She lives too far away and I don't get to see her enough, but I can't wait for her big day!  We have known each other way, way, WAY too long (like make you feel old, long) and I have waited for the perfect guy to come along for her, and she has definitely found him.  So excited for them!
 HM is speaking more and more everyday.  He understands so much, but still struggles with expressing his wants and needs.  He is getting braver about trying to say new words and sounds.  What a brave boy he has been to tackle a whole new world.  We have a picture of him and his Omma on our fridge and for the first time the other day when looking at their picture, he said "Omma."  YAY!  Speaking of HM, this Saturday we will have our last, LAST, LAST, (got that), LAST post-placement appointment, before we can finalize!  Yippee, that means this journey that we started in early 2010 will end and the rest of our lives will begin.  Really, nothing will change in our day to day life, he is our son and very much a C, but with finalization comes the legal stuff that says what we already know and live every day.

Now, the important part.  Where do I fall on Santa's list???
Well, I will tell you some of this things I have been up to and you tell me...
good things first:

• I work in a noble field where I help people, the young kind, everyday.  Hopefully I help improve their lives...that's a good thing right?
• I perform random acts of kindness, not enough, but still.  In November, I paid for the meals of an older couple behind me in the drive thru...not a huge thing, but it made my day!!!  Just last week, I paid to for a tow truck to unlock a gentleman's car after he locked his keys in it.  He had had some rough times, and well it was the right thing to do.
• I say thank you to anyone who holds a door, serves me a meal or helps me in a store. 
• I/we sponsored 4 children for Christmas this year. 
• Saturday I helped give out gifts to several hundred children at a work event.

Whew, that was really hard.  It is much easier for me to highlight my naughty points:

• I have road rage.
• I hate doing laundry especially putting it away.  It often sits folded (usually) in the basket til a kid digs it out to wear.
• I live for nap time!
• I eat too much candy.
• Sometimes, ok a lot of times, a raise my voice...ok, yell.
• S says I am lazy and, well, he's right.
• I hate doing dishes.
• Let's be honest, I hate housework.  thankfully my sweet, sweet husband is much more of a neat freak.
• I am impatient.
• I get frustrated easily with people's stupidity.
• sometimes, I lie to my mom.

Thanksgiving Eve

I promised I would do a Thanksgiving post, before Thanksgiving, and I will.  There are so many things to be grateful for. From the tiny, tiny things, to the enormous and obvious ones.  The C's have lots to be thankful for and I want to share.  In no particular order, things I am thankful for:

• My husband, S.  I cannot say enough how special he is.  He is a goof ball, and he is stubborn and certainly many people don't see the same guy I do, but too bad for them.  He puts up with me and that is no small feat.
• T.  She is such a joy to parent.  (not always, but usually)  T amazes me everyday with how bright she is.  She has an insane thirst for knowledge and a heart as big as her brain. 
• P, my gentle soul.  Right now, I am especially thankful he is feeling better after being under the weather. He has made us so proud as he has taken on Kindergarten and done so well.  I was so proud to hear his teacher say he is patient and empathetic with his classmates. 
• D, the crazy Buggy.  D provides our comic relief everyday around here.  She also provides a good number of headaches, but they are totally worth it.  She is getting to big and is certainly proving to be a very bright girl who will accomplish anything she puts her mind to.
• H, I am especially thankful that the 6th C member, HM, is home to celebrate this holiday with us.  This will be he first "big" American holiday that he will celebrate with us, and for that I am thankful. 
• I am thankful for H's amazing progress.  He has been home 4 months and I see progress everyday.  It isn't always easy and for that I am really thankful.  To see H push limits and resist us...tells me that he feels comfortable with us.  He isn't pretending to be perfect for our benefit.  (not say I wouldn't love perfection from everyone one night a week!!!)
• Definitely can't forget I am very thankful for a SPONTANEOUS hug from H the other day.  It meant so much I don't think I will stop talking about it for awhile.
• I am thankful for his birth mother who gave him the chance to be here and part of our family. 
• my friends.   I feel like I have said this before, but I have the best friends a person could ask for.  From far away, to right down the street, I have people who truly care about me and my family. 
• Along with that I am thankful for the fabulous friends that are growing their families.  Friends that are getting married in the next 12 months (& have asked me to be part :)) and those welcoming new babies.  I love to watch these great families grow.
• a job that is crazy, overwhelming and even sometimes seems impossible, yet fulfilling, and amazing and a blessing.
• my coworkers that go with that crazy job.  They make it easier, fun and such a true adventure. 
• Blessed to live in my neighborhood.  We had no idea when we settled (literally) on this house that we landed ourselves in the BEST neighborhood on EARTH.  Amazing people that we have so much fun with and can borrow an egg from while still in our PJs.  (I know, totally jealous).
• My family, the ones that don't live under the same roof as I. (mom, is that proper?  me or I, can't ever remember).  I don't get to see my family that much, but I am grateful for each of them.  Some via blood relation, some got stuck with me through marriage. 
• and not to get to global, but I am thankful to be American, to have the power to have an opinion (I have lots) and voice it.  I appreciate that not everyone shares my opinions, but I am thankful we are afforded that voice. 
• Long weekends and the holidays.  I am glad to have a little down time and to move into the Christmas season.  I cannot believe how quickly this year has gone.

I did ask my kids what they were thankful for, to which they all replied "Mommy & Daddy."  Of course they are!!!  That itself is a reason to be thankful.  My children are very thoughtful and kind and make me so proud.  And well, the LOVE me....YAY.

Halloween and other events

Of course I mean to get to this much sooner than actually happens.  I have good intention of writing a nice post about all the things I am thankful for.  Many of my friends on FB have been posting their daily "thankfulness" and I decided that I would do just that, but not every day.  So there I have set myself up for at least one more post in November.

Now for a little recap of our comings and goings recently.  Of course HM got to celebrate his first Halloween.  I can't say it was his new favorite holiday but he didn't seem to loath it either.  HM was a tiger, and quite an adorable one at that.  S. Korea does not celebrate Halloween, so I wanted to be sure to give him a little space to figure out all these crazy kids in ridiculous costumes.  As for the rest of the clan, T was "Elvira", P was Captain America and D was a butterfly.  I must say I thought they were quite the adorable group of misfits.  We did our dutiful trick or treating with almost all of the children on our street, which further proves my belief that I live on the best street in the world.  More about that in the next post!!!

We also had a kid Halloween party.  This is something I have done several times over the last 8 Halloweens that I have been a parent.  I always think it sounds like an easy task, then find my self exhausted when it is over.  But I won't stop.  I love to see the joy on my kids faces as they play games with their friends and all the costumed children running around. 

Cheerleading ended and my squad rocked their routine for the exhibition!  I had had my doubts, but somehow the pressure of hundreds and hundreds people helped them pull it off.  T really enjoyed cheerleading, and that both pained me and brought me such joy.  She really is quite capable of learning a routine and hold a rhythm.  I want her to pursue whatever she loves, and right now it appears to be cheerleading. 

In the HM department, language seems to be moving along.  He is babbling a lot, which seems like the right direction.  He has some new words and certainly seems interested in learning more.  He is still receiving speech twice a month and I am seeing improvements.  I am still surprised by how much he comprehends and at the same time, how much he can ignore that which he understands when he wants to.  He definitely appreciates the duties of a 2 year old.  We are still working on using "gentle hands" as daycare calls it.

This weekend I was dusting and cleaning and trying to take advantage of the beautiful weather.  HM got 2 photo albums from his foster family when we picked him up.  I brought them down from the shelf and he began to look through them.  He saw several pictures of his foster mom and immediately said "Mom Mommy" (what he calls me).  I was glad to see how quickly he recognized her and remembered who she was in his life.  He regularly sees her picture on our fridge but doesn't seem to pay that much attention. 

The other thing I found interesting with HM was his language shift.  We try to use some Korean words yet we do speak English mostly (obviously).  I said "An Nyoung" (hi) to him and he replied "HI!"  Part of me felt sad that he doesn't say An Nyoung but knows it is HI.  It certainly reminds me of the loss of culture that inherently happens with adoption.  At the same time, I love that he can make the connection and know that they mean the same thing.

WOW, lots of babbling.  This year is flying by and I cannot believe Thanksgiving is merely weeks away.  Ahh, soon we will bide a farewell to 2012 and hello to 2013.  Crazy, time moves so fast!

 ok some pictures....the best part!

Several steps forward, and some back too.

So I may have spoken just a little too soon last post.  We had a couple of amazing weeks and then a slide back.  HM has been showing his personality and I think trying to figure out where he fits into his new surroundings.  With that there is a lot, I mean A LOT, of whining and stubbornness.  Now, if you know me then you know those are 2 of my best talents.  Whining and being stubborn.  As you can imagine I am proud to see he will take after me on some ways.  Of course it also makes for some intense standoffs...me vs. a 2 year old. 
All that being said, it is my favorite time of year and we have been enjoying it.  HM is starting to say a couple more words and is settling nicely into preschool.  The other kids still adore him and never seem to get frustrated by his intensity or rough hands.  We have enjoyed apple picking, , pumpkin picking, baseball, cheer leading and soon Halloween.  I am so happy to have these great chances to capture wonderful memories.  It is so fun to watch all 4 kids outside enjoying the beautiful weather and each other. 
 And now for the pics:

on the corner, maybe even around it

We seemed to have almost "turned the corner."  Things are settling in and starting to become mostly easy, at least in the HM department.  He has been in preschool now for a week and a couple days.  While he cries when he gets there, he seems to recover quickly.  He is always excited to see whichever of us picks him up.   His language also seems to me coming along.  Most of what he tries to say is not understandable but we know he is trying to make the right sounds.  He gives a verbal response for more, thank you, all done (or all gone), mommy, dada, hi and up.  Pretty huge I think.  He will begin receiving speech at preschool.  HM loves a routine, so I think he will adjust quite well with preschool.  Maybe the only thing we cannot get him to understand is "inside voice."  He is one incredibly LOUD child, happy, sad or other, he is loud.  Now, of course, our house with 4 kids is rarely quiet, so he may just think he needs to always raise his voice, but we are still going to try to teach him "quietly!"
As far as the other C children, we are in the midst of baseball and cheerleading, yes CHEERLEADING...bleh.  I somehow agreed to assist in coaching cheerleading even though I know.nothing.at.all about cheering.  They are having fun and that is all that really matters.  Kindergarten is going well, 2nd grade seems to be the same, so all is well there.  D, or as she is better known Buggy, is still having a time.  Of course, by nature, she is a strong willed, obstinate girl but we seem to be seeing much more recently.  I hope it is her dealing with the adjustment and not a permanent shift in her temperament, but we are doing the best with what we got.  I have thought of shipping her off to GGs sometimes!
And now for some pictures:

What we are up to

School is back in, work is busy and life is settling into the "normal." 
T went into 2nd grade like it was her job.  She loves school and is such a social butterfly.  I barely worry about her...barely.
P started Kindergarten!!!!!!!!!!!  Not sure how that snuck up on me, but he did and is following in T's footsteps.  He loves it and seems to be settling right into it.  I catch myself looking at him sometime and being shocked that he is 5, not far from 6!  Where did the time go?  He is totally a big boy...no more baby P, makes me sad and proud.  He is a sweet, pensive, wild, fierce boy.  He thinks about things no 5 year old should worry about and yet melts down about sharing his Buzz Lightyear.  Man, I love that kid!
D, or the Buggy, as she is affectionately known, headed back to preschool.  Not quite as smooth as her big sister and brother.  I always describe Buggy as fierce...in all that she does.  She has some serious stubbornness (um, not sure where she could have gotten that!) and really cannot be convinced to do anything she doesn't want to.  She has no interest in bedtime.  Yet, no desire to get up in the morning.  She can throw her hands on her hips and cock her head to the side to deliver a good dose of attitude at every turn.  Look out school when she does get there....
HM-- Progress would be the word for him.  He is so, so, SO smart.  He understands almost everything we say. He CAN follow instructions, when he wants to.  He loves routine.  He still says almost nothing but the sounds are coming and he certainly gets his point across.  So far he can say:
up, GAGA (for Daddy), Meeee (for mommy) ahh un (for uh oh) and he has begun making l and b sounds.  He knows what to do when you put him on the potty, which is wonderful!!
He still struggles sometimes (a lot) with testing limits and being rough, but we are getting there.  He will start preschool too here very soon and I hope that will be a great experience for him.
And most important...this boy likes to DANCE.  He hears music and just starts grooving...LOVE IT!

S will be going back to work soon.  HM going off to preschool and S starting back to work are the last things in the line of back to normal.  I love the time they have had together at home, but know we will get in more settled when our schedule is finally the way it is suppose to be.  S will be back working a normal schedule, which such a blessing.

I have had a lot of interesting thoughts lately about the C family.  We have our crazy yet we have so much fun.  Lots of people think we are crazy, and well, we are!  We always say it has nothing to di with our kids though :)

and now pictures...the best part!

 Happy 2nd Bday!!

off to school

 Off to our first college football game...

Buggy being a kitty!?!

6 weeks as a family of 6

Whew!  6 weeks ago S and I were in Korea, rocking the world of one sweet, adorable, energetic world.  And boy he has returned the favor.  There have been times recently where I have felt like I am being drawn and quartered.  4 kids are so much fun and well, a lot of work too.  It is hard sometimes to say that because I expect to hear the comments:  "well, what did you expect?" and "you chose this."  I know these things.  And I know that it will all settle in. 
So what have the last 6 weeks looked like?  Honestly, nothing like I expected.  It never occurred to me that we would have the challenges we have had and have no issues with the things we prepared for.  First, S is no longer a horrible being, and that has helped.  We unfortunately and fortunately had to fix that in a "rip the band aid off" kind of way.  I went back to work, so they just had to figure it out, and they did pretty quickly.  HM, as he regularly responds to now, has a very different personality than the other C kids.  His affect is different.  He is not quite ready to let loose and laugh at silly daddy.  Daddy around here tends to handle most things with a good sense of humor, so HM might just think S is a little insane still.
There are so many things recommended for attachment that are somewhat challenging when you have 3 other kids, young ones, at home.  Discipline is one of them.  There are some rules, policies, ways of existing in the C household that are non-negotiable.  No hitting is one of them.  That includes hitting, siblings, parents, pets and glass things, like the fireplace glass.  We wanted to give him some "passes" but couldn't on things that could hurt him or others.  I think having to enforce some of that has been harder on all of us than we thought.  We aren't sure he understands, we feel frustrated b/c he repeats the behavior and he feels frustrated because he cannot communicate. 
Communication has been hard.  One thing we realized quickly is that communication seems to be one way you can see his grief.  He has said almost nothing, Korean or English, after the reports indicated he said 20 Korean words.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't somewhat worried.  Had we caused so much trauma that he would become non-verbal?  In fact, that and the numerous meltdowns are about all the signs of grief we do see.  He has recently started waking up (not really awake) crying out at night, but that is only a couple day now.
This is certainly a new experience in that we were pretty seasoned parents before he came home, at least at this age group.  And now, I constantly question if I have any clue what I am doing.  Are we equipped to give him the space he needs to grieve and grow with our family?  Are we doing more damage than good to this sweet boy who never asked for all of this upheaval. 
And then this week arrived.  Smiles and even some laughs.  And evaluation by an expert to reaffirm what we were thinking.  We will get there, it just will take time. I am not patient.  The wait to bring him home was agonizing and we are still in a sort of waiting period.  growing period. 

In other news, my office had a "Welcome" shower for HM and I was truly, utterly surprised (which is hard to pull off, as I am quite nosy!)  I am so touched, they certainly didn't have to do that and it was such a sweet gesture that really meant so much.  We got a whole fall/winter wardrobe THANK YOU and some gift cards THANK YOU THANK YOU and some sippy cups, EXTRA THANK YOU!!!  Something interesting about sippy cups and other such things.  HM has very few worldly possessions that truly just his.  I have enjoyed giving him some of those things.  His own sippy cups, with very much boy themed pictures.  His own clothes, not hand me downs.  His own ride on tools just for him.  It might seem like much to us, but I think it is pretty important for him to have his own things.  That is something we are trying to explain to the other kids.  We are pro-sharing, but at the same time, some things are off limits, sacred lovies.  HM doesn't have much established as those items yet, so we try to make most of his things all that way for now.  Not every single thing, but lots.

 So thank you, sweet dysfunctional work family that no one else wants!  I am grateful to be part of this group and appreciate how quickly you have brought me in!

Now enough yakking....pictures....