Patience. I have none. This week we were contacted by our agency that it is time to get ready for our homestudy update. That means we have been approved for almost a year. And it is frustrating to know that we have many more months of waiting to go. I want to go get our boy, sooner rather than later. I want to know his personality.
We get very limited info in the few updates we have gotten. I know that it isn't any one person's fault, and I know I should be grateful for the info we do have. I bet I sound bratty, and I can own that. This is hard. I saw another blog yesterday and was thrilled to see that family had received many, many pictures of their little guy, and some videos. I know that means so much to waiting parents. It made me think. Is M getting the same love and attention that this little guy was obviously getting. I have noticed some things in the little info we have gotten that has made me ask some questions about M and his "development." I don't feel like we have gotten satisfactory answers so far, and maybe there aren't any until we meet him, but it does cause me pause. Not huge pause, but still a nagging thought, concern, question. I may be wrong but I can't help but think more info, pictures, maybe a video could shed some light and help put me at ease.
Patience...adoption is definitely a practice in patience. Oh which, if you know me you know, I have NONE. Grrrr.
M we love you, and I hope one day we will all look back on these posts and laugh, for now I will be practicing my patience.
brood
the only time these feet are still
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
A blog post
I want to post everyday. But I don't, and this past week has been even worse than normal. It is more like a once a week post, especially because I don't have anything worth while to say.
The last 2 weeks have been hard, really hard. I started a new job last week, which was bittersweet. Still working with the same population, but in a different capacity. It definitely has pluses and minuses, but I am sure it is a good move. Amongst all of that, someone very dear to me experienced something nobody, no body should ever have to. I dropped everything to be there with her, for her, and I hope I was in some way supportive to her. What I know now is that my friend, J, is one of the strongest people I know. I have 2 of these such amazingly strong friends, of which I count both as blessings, but I wish they did not have to experience the things they did to show their strength. I just have no words about them, amazing wonderful people.
So this post is for them, their spouses and angels...you are amazing people and I am honored to call you my friends.
I hope to post again sooner than a week, but for now, to my friends, I love you.
The last 2 weeks have been hard, really hard. I started a new job last week, which was bittersweet. Still working with the same population, but in a different capacity. It definitely has pluses and minuses, but I am sure it is a good move. Amongst all of that, someone very dear to me experienced something nobody, no body should ever have to. I dropped everything to be there with her, for her, and I hope I was in some way supportive to her. What I know now is that my friend, J, is one of the strongest people I know. I have 2 of these such amazingly strong friends, of which I count both as blessings, but I wish they did not have to experience the things they did to show their strength. I just have no words about them, amazing wonderful people.
So this post is for them, their spouses and angels...you are amazing people and I am honored to call you my friends.
I hope to post again sooner than a week, but for now, to my friends, I love you.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
My Superhero
Okay, So I've been guilted into posting although there is college football on and she knows I would almost always choose football over any technology or social media type activity. It is unfortunate that she also reads this because she should not be allowed the quiet (probably not) and likely smug satisfaction of knowing that she is a better parent than I am.
T had to leave town on fairly short notice for the past two days to be with a very dear friend of ours for whom we will always be there without question. I'm great with that every time. What I'm not so great with is trying to play rodeo clown to the wild bucking broncos currently living under my roof when the Ringmaster is gone. I have no idea what it is that happens to them, I can only hope the same happens to every other dad when moms leave town so I don't feel so bad about it happening here. They turn into MONSTERS. The evil kind from bad 80's horror flicks. Brain eating, head spinning, pea soup spewing maniacs. I love them through thick and thin, but man I SUCK at being the single parent. I cannot do what she does, and when she says in that smart ass voice to me, " You know, I do that every morning dear" I kinda sorta want to shake her. Problem is, she's right. She does it with the crazy morning routine every day. She is who they ALL want when they are upset, when they've lost their favorite lovie, when the rings of Saturn are out of alignment with the San Andreas fault. Always. They want her because she is a rock star and can always do it. I just can't convince her to wear the cape and super cool colored underwear over her clothes.
Don't get me wrong. I don't feel like I'm the worst parent ever, and I love my children to a fault. I just don't seem to have the knack for keeping this place together like she does. I'm just the a$%^ole that comes home and makes them clean up toys.
On other fronts:
Our annoying borth country is truly pissing me off with their changing guidelines and programs. I'm starting to believe this is all some kind of joke, but I'm not laughing and apparently these people somehow never got word of what I turn into when I get angry. They won't like me when I'm angry. I want my little boy home, and we get sparse amounts of information which does not help. One may thing that knowing less would make the longing less but it doesn't. Gimmee now! I suppose getting it out "on paper" so to speak is nice but I'm kinda tired of being nice to be sure. I'm just glad I have my own in home superhero to keep up with all of the things she does and to follow up on the information that comes our way. I just get annoyed and want to hulk-smash things when I hear we may be getting screwed again and she takes the time to sort out the idiotic rumors from the idiotic truth. I knew there was a reason I kept her around.
T had to leave town on fairly short notice for the past two days to be with a very dear friend of ours for whom we will always be there without question. I'm great with that every time. What I'm not so great with is trying to play rodeo clown to the wild bucking broncos currently living under my roof when the Ringmaster is gone. I have no idea what it is that happens to them, I can only hope the same happens to every other dad when moms leave town so I don't feel so bad about it happening here. They turn into MONSTERS. The evil kind from bad 80's horror flicks. Brain eating, head spinning, pea soup spewing maniacs. I love them through thick and thin, but man I SUCK at being the single parent. I cannot do what she does, and when she says in that smart ass voice to me, " You know, I do that every morning dear" I kinda sorta want to shake her. Problem is, she's right. She does it with the crazy morning routine every day. She is who they ALL want when they are upset, when they've lost their favorite lovie, when the rings of Saturn are out of alignment with the San Andreas fault. Always. They want her because she is a rock star and can always do it. I just can't convince her to wear the cape and super cool colored underwear over her clothes.
Don't get me wrong. I don't feel like I'm the worst parent ever, and I love my children to a fault. I just don't seem to have the knack for keeping this place together like she does. I'm just the a$%^ole that comes home and makes them clean up toys.
On other fronts:
Our annoying borth country is truly pissing me off with their changing guidelines and programs. I'm starting to believe this is all some kind of joke, but I'm not laughing and apparently these people somehow never got word of what I turn into when I get angry. They won't like me when I'm angry. I want my little boy home, and we get sparse amounts of information which does not help. One may thing that knowing less would make the longing less but it doesn't. Gimmee now! I suppose getting it out "on paper" so to speak is nice but I'm kinda tired of being nice to be sure. I'm just glad I have my own in home superhero to keep up with all of the things she does and to follow up on the information that comes our way. I just get annoyed and want to hulk-smash things when I hear we may be getting screwed again and she takes the time to sort out the idiotic rumors from the idiotic truth. I knew there was a reason I kept her around.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
A Buggy Post
Tonight a bit of a guest blogger! D aka "baby D", "Buggy" or "the Doodle" is saddled up next to me hoping to assist by sharing her words of wisdom. See, today D, did NOT nap, against my advice, efforts and excessive prayers. Fast forward several hours and she is whiny and crying and saying "I'm tired!". DUH, you gotta nap. So several hours later she took a nap and got up at 7pm. Hence, the episode of insomnia, although she is still quite whiny.
The Buggy has had a pretty crazy week. She has been in preschool (daycare, but we would never call it that to her)and let's just say it hasn't been the easiest transition. Then she got bit by a classmate, which she shares her battle wound with anyone that will give her 30seconds to.
But the good part is she finally seems to understand that white porcelain thing with the water in it!!! Now, preschool gets all the credit, they offered her a gummy bear and the rest is history. We are far from cotton undergarments, but boy I am excited to be headed that way. Sometimes I think as smart as my children, are they would/will NEVER POTTY TRAIN. Buggy seems to be advanced for a C because she is not even 2 1/2, the other have liked to be 3 or beyond!
Ok, after 5 consecutive minutes of whining here she is:
qqqqww. aassssdssdd. VvCvbnm,.ik
---//::;/;();)]\_\\qqqqwwe. 'h,1213324446778908
zzzXsZzzXZXXCFVBBNNKM,HQWEEWRTYYYUUUUUUddccdddderrrffrfghjjkk,,h
ZXXXccvvbnm'i.qqqwwraaqvbnccvvvbbnnnmkjjhfdfegtvbnhgfddggwertyyu'
Sxsxxcccdbnnnmhmhhkh,j.il"qeeettqqqwwweeewrwteyyuitupuuqqwwweewrtyyiyououjpjp
Qqqqq11133
I know, I know she's a genius. She thanks you for your time and attention, and now I will attempt to get her to bed! Wish me luck, I will need it.
Ps in our wait world, we got some pics from M's dol via emailand were told they would be coming in the mail. They haven't yet and it has been more than a week, I hope they aren't lostin the mail. I am eagerly awaiting what the decision to prioritize the Korean heritage programs will mean for our wait. I surely hope it won't be bad news.
Qw
The Buggy has had a pretty crazy week. She has been in preschool (daycare, but we would never call it that to her)and let's just say it hasn't been the easiest transition. Then she got bit by a classmate, which she shares her battle wound with anyone that will give her 30seconds to.
But the good part is she finally seems to understand that white porcelain thing with the water in it!!! Now, preschool gets all the credit, they offered her a gummy bear and the rest is history. We are far from cotton undergarments, but boy I am excited to be headed that way. Sometimes I think as smart as my children, are they would/will NEVER POTTY TRAIN. Buggy seems to be advanced for a C because she is not even 2 1/2, the other have liked to be 3 or beyond!
Ok, after 5 consecutive minutes of whining here she is:
qqqqww. aassssdssdd. VvCvbnm,.ik
---//::;/;();)]\_\\qqqqwwe. 'h,1213324446778908
zzzXsZzzXZXXCFVBBNNKM,HQWEEWRTYYYUUUUUUddccdddderrrffrfghjjkk,,h
ZXXXccvvbnm'i.qqqwwraaqvbnccvvvbbnnnmkjjhfdfegtvbnhgfddggwertyyu'
Sxsxxcccdbnnnmhmhhkh,j.il"qeeettqqqwwweeewrwteyyuitupuuqqwwweewrtyyiyououjpjp
Qqqqq11133
I know, I know she's a genius. She thanks you for your time and attention, and now I will attempt to get her to bed! Wish me luck, I will need it.
Ps in our wait world, we got some pics from M's dol via emailand were told they would be coming in the mail. They haven't yet and it has been more than a week, I hope they aren't lostin the mail. I am eagerly awaiting what the decision to prioritize the Korean heritage programs will mean for our wait. I surely hope it won't be bad news.
Qw
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Happy 1st Birthday M!!!
Well, yesterday marked M's first birthday. Of course, he is 13 hours ahead of us, so by the time we were celebrating his birthday was over in Korea. We received an email update, the 1st one yet to tell us about M's development. He isn't walking yet, and is a pretty small guy at just over 19lbs and 28 inches, seems he is already fitting into the ways of the C family. He did receive at least one of our packages and it sounded like he was at somewhat amused by the car we sent. Now, we have sent a car in both packages, so I wonder which one he got....the noisy dump truck or the noisier Lightning McQueen. Either way I am glad that he has something that we have also put our hands on. It helps me feel a little closer to him. We had some cake and talked a lot about M this weekend. I cannot wait until next year when we can celebrate together. Our dear friend came to visit for S's birthday which was Thursday and brought her son, C, along. C is 9 days older than M, so I enjoyed some 1 year old life with C, constantly thinking that he & M are so close in age. I look forward to the days when those two can play together.
We enjoyed a great day with some old friends and some neighbors and I did a pretty good job of not feeling sad that M wasn't with us. I know he is being loved and well cared for, and while I wish he could be here with us, it is comforting to know where he is safe, loving and for him home. Certainly, we will have many a birthday to celebrate with him, and well he is barely aware we exist.
Tomorrow is a big day here. P & D head off to preschool/daycare and Tuesday T starts the 1st grade. Summer is coming to an end which is OK, because now comes fall and football, things we love here!
We enjoyed a great day with some old friends and some neighbors and I did a pretty good job of not feeling sad that M wasn't with us. I know he is being loved and well cared for, and while I wish he could be here with us, it is comforting to know where he is safe, loving and for him home. Certainly, we will have many a birthday to celebrate with him, and well he is barely aware we exist.
Tomorrow is a big day here. P & D head off to preschool/daycare and Tuesday T starts the 1st grade. Summer is coming to an end which is OK, because now comes fall and football, things we love here!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Back from Texas!
I spent last week in Texas at a conference. Before I talk about the insane heat of Texas, I would just like to reference my last post. That day I had a really bad migraine and took something "stronger" to help my pain. Then I wrote that. I have gone back and read it and realized I had no recollection of writing that. It seems I can be quite philosophical when I am not thinking.
Moving on...So, I went to a training conference in Texas. The temperature was between 106-109 all week. Needless to say, I was grateful for the skywalk between my hotel and the conference. That was ridiculous heat! I got the kids some shirts at my conference. I won't say cute is the best description, but I did want to support this mission, and I feel strongly about the message. P was kind enough to model for me.
So glad to back home after my trip. I am off work this week to enjoy the last week of summer before T heads off to first grade. It is hard to believe that I have a 1st grader, let alone that P is in pre-school starting Monday and Baby MR (as he is affectionately called about here) is going to be 1 on Saturday!! We mailed off our second package and it sounds like our first package has just arrived at ESWS last week. Baby MR is going to feel very spoiled with 2 packages!!
Today we went to visit the new preschool/daycare P & D will be attending. But before we went, I took the kiddos out to a local park to try to get some new pictures. I have a GREAT photographer (who also designed my blog) but she is a busy, busy lady. I will be guilting begging her to schedule some fall pics for the C clan, to include the adults and my adorable 3 legged dog, but for now I think I did a pretty good job! Here are a couple of shots. I must say it helps to have such beautiful subjects. I believe today I photographed 3 of the 4 most adorable children on the planet. I am looking forward to this time next year when I will have all 4 together for pictures.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Still here....and a soapbox chat
Shame on me, I disappeared for a bit. Things have been busy. S was out of town at training this week, work has been busy and overwhelming. The big kids, T & P, went to visit GG and are on their way home now. I am leaving Saturday for a training in Dallas. Whew, I feel tired typing it.
In other news though, we sent another package to M in hopes that it will make it in time for his birthday, August 20th. I tried my hand at a bit of Hangul in a card included in the package. It made me happy to step a little further into his culture, his world.
Time is moving and I am grateful for that, and at the same time sad. I know that with each passing day we are closer to meeting him. It also means another day and maybe a milestone we are missing. I try to not rush the time, because it is time in the lives of all of our children, and I want to cherish it. I am excited to hear another update when his birthday comes. I am still obsessively checking my email everyday hoping for any word and love to see the names of the social worker in my inbox.
I have been following some info about EP's currently and feeling so sad for families that are caught in that. I keep reading and following and send my prayers that their wait ends soon.
OK, now a little off topic soapbox...
The work I do is intense and important. I work with a very specific population of crime victims. I unfortunately see some of the worst of humankind and it is hard. It has made me realize that you never know the path someone has walked, where they have come from and where they wish they could be. It also made me realize how lucky I am to have been chosen to be a parent. The gift of parenthood is precious, and some people take it for granted. I wish I could shout from the mountain tops to "be kind, love those around you. Appreciate and respect the beautiful gifts in your lives that are other people."
I am working hard to have no doubt in myself and just give all I can give and do the best I can. I want to do big things and leave a good imprint on the world around me. I feel good about the journey I am taking and where I think it is leading.
I hope you are too.
In other news though, we sent another package to M in hopes that it will make it in time for his birthday, August 20th. I tried my hand at a bit of Hangul in a card included in the package. It made me happy to step a little further into his culture, his world.
Time is moving and I am grateful for that, and at the same time sad. I know that with each passing day we are closer to meeting him. It also means another day and maybe a milestone we are missing. I try to not rush the time, because it is time in the lives of all of our children, and I want to cherish it. I am excited to hear another update when his birthday comes. I am still obsessively checking my email everyday hoping for any word and love to see the names of the social worker in my inbox.
I have been following some info about EP's currently and feeling so sad for families that are caught in that. I keep reading and following and send my prayers that their wait ends soon.
OK, now a little off topic soapbox...
The work I do is intense and important. I work with a very specific population of crime victims. I unfortunately see some of the worst of humankind and it is hard. It has made me realize that you never know the path someone has walked, where they have come from and where they wish they could be. It also made me realize how lucky I am to have been chosen to be a parent. The gift of parenthood is precious, and some people take it for granted. I wish I could shout from the mountain tops to "be kind, love those around you. Appreciate and respect the beautiful gifts in your lives that are other people."
I am working hard to have no doubt in myself and just give all I can give and do the best I can. I want to do big things and leave a good imprint on the world around me. I feel good about the journey I am taking and where I think it is leading.
I hope you are too.
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